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 Depression from ichthyosis
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| Author | Topic: Depression from ichthyosis |
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thursa Member Posts: 10 |
posted June 15, 2006 05:25 AM
   
Hi everyone. I am pretty new to this board but after reading quite a few posts I feel that I can tell you my story and feel like there are people out there who will totally understand. This could be quite long, sorry about that but I need to do this. A couple of months ago I started to feel really down, unhappiness was starting to consume me and so was my loneliness. I had moved to a very, very small town because of my job. I am unmarried and have no kids although I do have two great dogs. Within weeks I was in deep depression and couldn't see a way out of it. Suicide never crossed my mind and in a lot of ways I was/am still a positive kind of person, you know, glass is half full kind of girl. But still I was so depressed and didn't know how to get out of it. I have never been able to tell the people around me how I am really feeling and when I started to try and work out why I was feeling the way I do, I began to think it was because since birth, I have had ichthyosis. I realised that this skin problem was effecting every part of my life and not in a good way. I hate my skin, I get disgusted with it when I look at it or I touch it so how can I expect others not to be. When I was a kid, I got the usual stares, name-calling etc and it was so bad that by the time I was 17-18years old, I would do everything I could to hide my skin, not tell anyone or if it came up, Iwould change the subject really quickly. This became my whole life being so careful not to draw attention to my skin. I am pretty sure that every friend I have made since that I was 17-18, I have not told. I am now 37. When I was a kid growing up, I always thought I would be married with 3 or 4 children by the time I was 28-ish. But that now seems impossible to me. If I meet a man, I don't let him get to close because of my skin and now I am terrified that I am getting too old to have children and if by some chance I do have a child, what if I pass this skin disease onto them. I tried to tell my mother and my sister what was at the heart of my depression and my sister couldn't handle it(she can't handle anything) and my mum just dismissed it. "i've got bad skin too, you can't have that problem on your own", well, sorry Mum but you are having skin problems now that you are in your 60's and before that had normal skin growing up up until now. Dad has been good but I still can't really tell him how I really feel. I am about to move to a much bigger town and my depression has all but gone but now I know that I have to learn to deal with this but I am not sure how to go about it. I have to stop hiding it from others and tell my friends but that is so hard to do. I was all psyched up to tell one of my closest friends a week ago but she ended up in hospital with a brain haemorrhage and nearly died and that made my problem seem trivial. Now I am back to keeping it to myself. I would really appreciate any advice anyone has. I feel as though I can't move forward unless I deal with my pass and my life living with ichthyosis vulgaris. Thanks for reading my overly long post! IP: Logged |
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Francine Member Posts: 34 |
posted June 15, 2006 09:06 AM
Hi, I'm 27 and have Lamellar Ich. I know how you are feeling, I used to be the same way but then I realized that anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am wasn't really my friend to begin with. I'm not afraid to answer questions about my skin anymore because I feel like I'm educating others. I was lucky I have a great family who allow me to vent my frustrations about the world and then instead of dismissing my pain they just told me they love me and reminded me that most people are ignorant. Although, I have never been able to find a guy to settle down with, I accept that it may not be in the cards but I can still have a great life. My advice to you is to just relax, once you accept yourself, others will quickly follow. This board is an excellent place to prove that you are not alone and we do understand here. :-) [This message has been edited by Francine (edited June 15, 2006).] IP: Logged |
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wva Member Posts: 358 |
posted June 15, 2006 05:49 PM
Hi and welcome to the board. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. It is tough when you are not around a close friend and family to confide in. I love small towns. But, that can be quite tough when you have ich and are single and maybe feeling like an outsider in a small town. The first thing you should do is probably talk with a dr about getting on anti-depressants to help you cope until you feel stronger, go to a counselor or psychologist to work through your own feelings of disgust when you look at your own skin. Many of us on here have had to deal with insecurities or depression from our skin but, if you stick around on this board you will see that we can have happy and productive lives with a husband (or wife for the men) and children. You need to be happy with yourself before you can meet a man that you will allow to get close to you. My husband and my children love me regardless of how bad my skin does. First get yourself on the right road before you worry about having children and if you decide to ever marry Mr. Right I'm sure you and him can decide if you want to risk having children with ich or if you want to adopt a child that really needs a loving family. Remember to never let anyone convince you that you have to allow them to treat you badly because of your skin. Many of us women on here have husbands that do not belittle us because of our skin. Best of luck to you! God bless! Karen  IP: Logged |
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jds Member Posts: 407 |
posted June 15, 2006 05:58 PM
I do not have ichthyosis but have gotten depressed for various reasons and sometimes no reason at all. After I began taking an anti-depressant my doctor gave me, I did begin to feel better. I was on a very mild one, but after a couple weeks noticed a huge change. I actually suffer more from anxiety attacks than anything. Once I get it under control I wean myself off the meds. I am not taking anything now, but I realize that I may have to go back on them at some point and time to help me cope when things get tough. IP: Logged |
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Glori Moderator Posts: 259 |
posted June 19, 2006 02:04 AM
I am sure that we have all suffered from depression about our skin at one time or another. Mine has cost me jobs and sometimes, I let it hold me back from doing things that I wanted to do. It wasn't until my early thirties did I realize a few things...First, you are WORTHY of love, everyone deserves love and even with a skin problem, love is out there. I have had one very long term relationship that ended after 14 years and I can tell you one thing: My skin was never an issue. After several years of being single, I threw myself back out there and am now (newly) engaged to a wonderful man who, again, pays no attention to my skin. He cares if it hurts, or bothers me, but he doesn't "worry" or obssess about it. Everyone has something, I know girl who is only marginally overweight (maybe 25 or 30 pounds) and she has let it RULE her life. She blames it for everything that doesn't go right in her life, she sees a therapist about her weight and she does everything from exercise obssessively to weigh her food. When I first learned all this, my first thought was "Geeze, you should be grateful that you aren't blind or have no legs" and frankly, I realized that this applies to me too. My dad told me my whole life "there's always someone worse" and he's right. There are people worse off than us, and while it's bad thing to think, at least it's not you and it helps give you some perspective. This is not a dirty, shameful secret that you need to keep. It's a disease that you were born with and that you do the best you can to take care of. It's no different than diabetes or any other disease except that it's visible. Don't let this be the focus of your life or you won't HAVE a life. Remember, this is what we are here for, tell us how you feel and start working past this because in the great scheme of life, this is not the thing that should rule your world. Talk to us! Glori IP: Logged |
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thursa Member Posts: 10 |
posted June 25, 2006 06:24 AM
Thanks guys, your words and thoughts really do help. I have been corresponding via email with a guy with LI here in Australia and it is helping my deal with this. I guess I just needed someone in my life that understands and listens, someone who has this too and knows exactly what I am going through. I was only thinking today that probably one of the reasons I have never told anyone about my skin is because my own family seem to dismiss it. I receive all the info on Ichthyosis from FIRST in the post the other day and on Friday just gone, I went to my parents place for the weekend, took it all with me, and asked my Mum and Dad to read it. This afternoon when I left, I asked them if they read it and all I got was, "no, just glanced at it" so I asked will you read it and then Mum said, "i'll see if I have time", I got the shits and said "if it's too much bother don't worry about it" It's disappointing and hurtful when they don't seem to want to understand my feelings and what has been with me all my life. So I told myself this afternoon when I got home that I am not going to waste my time trying to get them to understand and move on!!! Thanks again guys. My life will be better from now on. IP: Logged |
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wva Member Posts: 358 |
posted June 26, 2006 08:43 AM
Thursa, You are welcome and just understand it is not bad to come on here and vent to people that will truly understand. I guess I was lucky that my family has always acknowledged my skin with a positive "lets do something to make it easier attitude." My mom was so attentive to my skin throughout my whole childhood and here I am 40 and she still likes to buy me moisturizers and other stuff for my skin. They really balanced the whole compassion thing for me by not dismissing my ich and also not constantly saying you poor thing. When I go through difficult times they do show that they care and that helps me through it a lot better. Just understand that you have many people on this bulletin board that also care about what you go through. God bless! Karen IP: Logged |
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Chandra Member Posts: 668 |
posted June 26, 2006 09:07 PM
Dearest Thursa, I so empathize with you! I have chronic depression. While no one else in my family has ichthyosis, almost everyone on one side of the family has it so ichthyosis or not, it was almost a guarantee that I'd have it. First off, you are more than your skin and YOU above all others need to recognize that your skin does not dictate your identity. Yes, you have it, you always will, it influences so much of your life, but it is not YOU. If someone dismisses your worth as a person simply because of your ichthyosis, well, that person needs a serious education about what's important in life. I am not trying to be harsh, but maybe that person is YOU. You deserve friends, fun, family, love, affection, humor, good times, support, caring... so many things. Please start recognizing this. So your parents haven't been supportive? Mine weren't either. It stinks but we can't change them. Do not look to them to show you how wonderful you are. Start being a friend to yourself and it will help you meet people and become friends with them. It's ok if you have bad days and bad moods, but recognize that those things are temporary and they will pass. I used to hate it when people stared at me. In fact I'll be honest and admit I still do, but people are going to stare at us anyway, so we might as well give them something to stare at! Over the past few years I have started wearing very bright clothes, funny hats, strange shirts, whatever. If I catch people staring, I'll smile and wave if they seem friendly. If they seem to be rude or angry I'll ask if there's a problem. 99.99% of the time I get a smile and a wave back, or the person being rude gets embarassed and shuffles off. On the rare occasion that someone asks me about my skin, sometimes I answer their questions and other times I tell them frankly it's none of their business and unless they care to share their medical history with me first, I'd prefer to keep mine private, thank you very much! It WORKS. Do I get angry about it? Sometimes, yes, but it PASSES. I do agree with the suggestion of talking to a doctor but please don't just stop at anti-depressants. Meds are great for helping you to step back and allow you to gain the perspective to realize you have some work to do to help yourself feel better, but the meds don't do that work for you and unless you do the work of sorting through your feelings and changing your emotional approach to things, the anti-depressants are something that might not help much for the long term. I hope this helps you somewhat. I am glad to read that you are a positive person. Frankly, if I had to choose which I'd be able to be "cured" of, I'd pick curing my depression and keep the ichthyosis. The depression can just be horrible. Everyone on the planet feels isolated and alone or misunderstood at times, so not having ichthyosis really wouldn't change that. But having depression piled on top of it all? Blech! Oh, I edited this post as I wanted to congratulate you on being a person of action. You appear to have recognized that you needed to do something to make yourself feel better (moving, etc.) so congratulations! Lots of people don't take action, they just whine and moan and do nothing to improve the situation. You are light years ahead of the game because you are willing to recognize that there are things you can do to make your life better. Kudos to you! [This message has been edited by Chandra (edited June 26, 2006).] IP: Logged |
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thursa Member Posts: 10 |
posted June 28, 2006 06:30 AM
Thanks Chandra for you post. I HAD a bout? (for want of a better word) of depression but now that's all gone. Medication, to me, was never an option because I felt (and still do) that they would not help. I need to feel better about myself and that had to come from within me. I went and saw a psychologist and after two sessions, she agreed with my decision not to take anti-depressants. It's kind of easy to say don't let my family's lack of support and understanding worry me, but this is my Mom and Dad and my brother and my sister. The four people in the world who SHOULD be supportive and understand and you know what, that pisses me off!! So thanks again and I now know I am dealing with my IV and getting on with life. IP: Logged |
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Chandra Member Posts: 668 |
posted July 04, 2006 09:15 AM
I completely understand how the lack of support pisses you off. It does me too, but that emotion is so useless. It doesn't make them come to their senses and it wastes our energies. Easier said than done when it comes to not letting it piss you off, but just making the effort of expending that energy elsewhere helps in and of itself. Yup, meeting in person is always great. Hugs! IP: Logged |
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Shawna Member Posts: 7 |
posted July 14, 2006 09:13 AM
Hey, my name is Shawna and I'm 18 years old. I definitely understand where you're coming from. Living with Ichthyosis is tough, I don't know what I would've done without the endless support from my family, I have been very blessed in that area. I also have some great friends, but I haven't always. My first few years of high school I was really shy, which wasn't like me at all. For the first time in my life I began to really see how different I was therefore I wasn't allowing myself to open up. I was so afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone else. But then I realised that my skin, although a huge part of who I am, isn't all of what makes me, me. I had to accept and love myself, before I could expect others to. They say that God never gives you more than you can handle and I believe that now. I am a strong person, as are any of us who deal with differenses such as these. We just have to believe that, we have to love ourselves and when we do that... we can do anything. Good luck with everything and take care. Things really do get better ~*Shawna*~ IP: Logged |
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Chrissie Member Posts: 120 |
posted July 23, 2006 09:20 PM
HI Thursa! I have just joined the group "postings". maybe you might like to email me or I can give you my phone number. I admire your courage to talk about areas of your life. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Chrissie Member Posts: 120 |
posted July 23, 2006 09:44 PM
Hi Thursa I tried to email you from email address given on the reply but I can't get the email to go through. I think we could have a chat about the topic raised if you would like that. I am in Brisbane and have posted a few items. I am new to this forum. My email is glesga28@hotmail.com feel free to email me or chat on msn. Cheers and kind thoughts to you ------------------ IP: Logged |
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CowgirlGina Member Posts: 30 |
posted April 26, 2007 11:10 PM
Hello, my name is Gina...I am fourteen years old and since birth I have known that I have Lamellar Ichthyosis. Everyone here who has been depressed or is depressed I know just how you feel. Because of my skin, people, especially boys my age give me disgusted looks as if I don't have genetic disorder that I can't help, but as if I am this ugly monster that they must beat down or else it might just effect them with its terrible disease. I know, I am a teenager and I may have dramatized it a little bit but this is how I percieve their looks to be. People in the past have told me that I am so beautiful and because of my skin, I never let myself believe them. I still have a hard time believing them these days. I feel as if they are decieving me...Trying to make me stay content with myself as if knowing that this depression will gradually wear me away. Its not AS bad now...The looks I get. I've just gotten them so much that I have been thoroughly convinced that I am pretty ugly. I'm not saying that everyone who has this is ugly. Really, I am just talking about how I myself feel about how it looks on me. I remember one time I was at a dance and this boy told me I looked like I was deceased... People are soo dang nice now aren't they? Thanks for listening to me...No one else will. They've heard it enough and think that I am just a burden on them and get tired of my talk of being depressed, this is often how I feel... Regards, Gina Messer IP: Logged |
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pauline5 Member Posts: 836 |
posted June 19, 2007 02:20 AM
Oh Gina, I am sorry i haven't seen your post...You are NOT UGLY, please don't think that...people who stare and/or make fun of you are just very ignorant, and insensitive to your feelings. Remember, that most people who stare are looking because it is DIFFERENT...not BETTER OR WORSE...Just DIFFERENT...and as another person said on here recently we are different because we are UNIQUE...that is a good thing... I know it is very hard not to take it personally, but really...try not to let them get to you...Just remember one thing that I have been saying for many years... If 99% of the population had Ichthyosis, then that little 1% would be stared at. It is purely a majority/minority game. When i was little my mother always covered my skin up from head to toe, to stop people from staring, (and prob to protect it too) but once i hit teenagehood...I got rid of all those layers of clothing, and didn't care if I was stared at... Show your skin off to the world with PRIDE After all it is what you came into the world with. I hope this helps a little Gina, IP: Logged |
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pixie New member Posts: 1 |
posted January 24, 2008 08:18 PM
Wow, I have never been able to talk about this before. I am 28 years old and was born with lamellar ichthyosis. As a child I would overheat regularly and spent a lot of time in the hospital with a high fever. I saw a dermatologist when I was young and he gave me the devastating news that my skin would never be normal. My depression began when I was a teenager and people started making fun of my skin. I really didn't handle it well. I felt disguisting. I wanted to disapear. Now it's much better, but I still feel gross and dream about having normal skin - something most people never think about. And I still suffer from depression. My skin is okay compared to some and for the most part people never notice - even if I point it out. It's hard because if I try to talk about it people dismiss my feelings automatically and tell me there's nothing wrong with my skin - which is simply not true. Anyway I am so impressed by the posts on this sight and the confidence and resilience I see. I wish I were so strong. It's funny because people tell me I'm beautiful everyday and men hit on me constantly. I've had many relationships. Everyone seems okay with my skin but me. Thanks for listening, being able to talk about my skin means the world to me. IP: Logged |
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Sarah Helen Member Posts: 160 |
posted January 25, 2008 10:59 AM
Hi Pixie! I'm glad you have found this board as there are many, wonderful, fun and good to know people here. Just remember that "perception is truth" to many people. If they think you are beautiful, well, of course you are! It has often helped me to sit down and write out a list of things I like about myself. Then I make a list of things I don't like, then cross out anything I can't control. It really helps me to focus on what I can control while keeping the good things in mind as well. I hope all this makes sense! ------------------ IP: Logged |
Also, if you ever want to talk feel free to e-mail me at; shanabooslg@yahoo.com.All times are ET (US) | next newest topic | next oldest topic |
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